Hidden Behind a Wall
by Cassandra Aradith Marie
Summary: Only fourteen and she has seen to much blood, abuse and tragedy. Cam's final steps before high school are not for the meak and timid.


Hidden Behind the Wall

Eighth grade, a time of growing and preparing for the next phase of teenage life. My school ranged from kindergarten to eighth grade. The younger students looked up to me, I still do not know why but they would ask if I could play and did so. I despised most of my peers; they treated me as though I was lower than dirt. I was smart, taller than almost everyone (including more than half of the guys) I was an outcast a drift in the frosty sea of immature imbeciles. I chose being a loner rather than being a priss. Priss is an unofficial version of person whom believed he or she was royalty, compared to the masses. I had friends but they turned out being fakes. That was no surprise.

There were many divisions of us, jocks, preps, skaters, nerds, and others. I did not fit into one category. The clique I was joined was known as Kakk Bac. Each of the members were known for a specific _gift_. Amanda was the group leader and a royal pain. Katie, was a preppy girl, always smiling and cheerful. Brittany would be filed under punk, strange or ominous. Aurora was one of my greatest allies, she was a genius at times, in other the comic relief. Kelly, my best friend in the entire world, I could always come to her when I needed a person to rely on. I told her all of my most private secrets and ideas. She was the out there girl, one minute she's quiet and then fireworks, party time!

Then came the devil herself, Kristine. I hated her with all the power I had. She was the worst in the group, yet she played Ms. Angel, she pretended to do no wrong. She was the artist. I had suspicions of her jealousy, because I could create nearly anything out of simple materials found in the most random of places. Kristine never left me in peace, she swore at me, started rumors; physically hurt me from time to time. She was the worst possible enemy anyone could have been cursed to deal with, and she chose me as her prey.

As for myself, I was gifted in many areas but was chosen to be tagged, braincell. I was labeled by many different names: Radar, bookworm, wheezier, iron mouth, brace face, tin teeth, clutzilla and thousands more. I can never forget the bruises, beatings, rumors and all the torture I was put through. It was not just myself who was abused but also my little sister. I could stand the pressure and pain but my sister, I didn't even want to imagine what she really went through. My codename is Cam and welcome to my undying nightmare.

My life was a routine: school, homework, chores, a bit of TV and bed. I went through my routine for the morning and left the safety of my home. I trudged into school and swapped class books, off to morning classes. Three hours of learning, note taking and reviewing. The lunch bell rang. The lunchroom was also the gym and auditorium. Amanda started talking about Cody her current boyfriend, "Cody is so fine, and I mean really, how can anyone not resist his charm." I tuned out Amanda like I did for most others.

Aurora asked me, "Cam, you alright, I know Kristine's a pain but you just have to ignore her, right?"

" I know, I know, it's just… I wish she would just grow up!" I responded.

I noticed my hands were binding into fists. I forced them to unclench and hissed through the minor pain. Kelly was looking at me with her head tilted to one side; with a questioning look on her face. Everyone sat at the usual beaten table and began to talk, squawk and chat.

I thought to myself, "Too much talking, too much noise. Too much talking, too much noise."

It had always gotten on my nerves after some time. I perched at the end of the table, finished my lunch and began reading. The recess bell rang.

During recess, I usually headed to my shadowed corner to draw, read or write. I decided to head out and be with my friends. I wanted to see if I could fit in, a humongous mistake. Kristine fired hard and fast. I had no time to shot one back.

Kristine decreed proudly, "Cam you lowly worm, why did you come out of your hole. You stupid slug, don't you get it? You may be smart but you have no clue, do you? You are nothing but a big, stupid cow. Get lost! You are not welcome among us."

I had noticed my secret crush and other classmates circled around to see what was happening. Kelly did not try to stop Kristine; instead, she added on, "You don't belong here, you never have. So do us all a favor and disappear."

Everyone began to laugh, sickly. My frustration almost took control but I dashed. There was a constant laughter echoing in my ears, my footsteps and the echo all began to combine into the beating of a large beating drum. I ran as far as I could and hid behind the baseball fields. Before I realized it, someone had followed me, calling my name, "Cam… Cam…"

I peaked; my face was flushed, hot blood rushing to my face, blushing. My eyes were burning from the tears that ran down my face. What I saw was a guy with jet-black hair and an inquisitive look on his face.

"Cam, I am so sorry. I have never known Kristine could do something so… disgusting." He whispered.

I could render by the sound of his voice, it was Yang, my adolescent crush. I blushed even deeper. He knelt down next to me, the grass was damp but I didn't care if the backside of my jeans became soaked.

Yang spoke softly, "I am actually pretty jealous of you. I have never met someone as …"

I jumped in, "Someone as what? Someone as smart, childish, weak, big, babbling…"

He then cut in, "No, none of those things. I was going to say, I have never met someone as determined as… strong willed… like you, before."

Yang looked at me with his soft, charcoal black eyes, he really meant what he was saying. He wiped away some of the tears on my face.

Then said, "You know what? I like the color of your face right now. You look like a vibrant and blooming rose." His smile was soft, warm and inviting. I looked dumb struck and stood, he did something, which I never thought I deserved.

Yang swung his pale, strong arms over my shoulders. His grip made me flush and light headed. I was bound in an embrace from behind. My arms were at my sides, frozen in shock. My mind blank, body was ice stiff but my face was burning. He was stood behind me, placing his head on my left shoulder. Everything became dead silent.

Yang's voice broke the silence, "Cam, please remember this moment. You are someone I can always trust and share my feelings with. I hope you feel the same way. Please remember that not everyone has ice running in their veins."

I wanted to turn my head to look at him. His arms were freezing cold; his eyes were closed. It felt as though time had come to a complete halt. I did not want him to let go, ever. No sound, no annoying prisses, it was perfect exactly as a fairy tale. All that was missing was an intricate silver lined gown and prince Charming's suit. I shattered my dream, took a step forward, and turned around to look at him, directly face to face.

I spoke, "I am so sorry but… I can't…" I paused. "I don't deserve or want pity from anyone especially you, Yang. Please try to understand; I don't think I could ever blossom. I am just a simple, unwanted weed in the back of the garden."

I took two steps back. He didn't move.

Yang whispered, "I don't want the prettiest flower in the garden." I bet I looked confused. "All I want is the most beautiful blossom in the back corner of the garden."

We were silent after our exchange of melodic words; my mind raced with all the things said. I slid past him, to the fence door that lead back to the playground.

"Good bye." I whispered, softly.

I walked away, leaving him there, standing. The bell rang. Afternoon classes began.

I walked into school, headed for my locker but found a death in the crack. The note had the Kakk Bac symbol. The note was from Kristine, I choked the name. The piece of notebook paper was written in the most beautiful handwriting, I had ever seen. What it said however, was beyond sickening. I stashed the note into my jacket pocket and swapped books for my afternoon classes. During English, I opened the note and read what was written within its folded lines,

"Cam, why do you even try fitting in? I mean really we both know that you are a waste of space and air. What even makes you think that you belong here? Tell me what is your purpose, trying to be someone? You are clearly nothing but a complete nobody. And, as for your little sister, Mary, she can't fight the pain forever. You know we can break her into dust. She would do almost anything for us, just so that you can get into your dream high school. Am I right? She is nothing but a worm, a toad. Wait she is even lower than you, worm."

I finished reading that note, my hands began to quiver; fire burned under my flesh.. My eyes became a mirror to the dark, cold, hopeless abyss. I forced my hands to grip the desk and hold, squeezing the desk so hard, my fingers were cut and left a few drops of blood. Kristine turned to look at me and began laughing under her breath. Then I just… snapped. In less than what seemed to be a second, I was right behind Kristine, in the empty desk behind her. She saw my face in shock.

Kristine had frozen in place, but was happy to see the loss of color my face once held, my eyes were thirsty for revenge and my arms were crossed clutching each other.

Kristine spitted, "What's the problem Cam? Have you just seen your little sister's ghost?"

That was the last snap; my sanity had left my solemn mind. I released my left hand and counted backwards from five. She got up and waited till I was done. She was in for more than she could live for. As soon as I reached one, Kristine had started to swear. She ran past the lab top cart, a few desks and a student or two.

I caught her and pinned her to the floor; my mind a blank; no relivant thought staggered through my mind. I held Kristine down with my right hand. She was in shock, I had so much raw pain and anger built up. My left hand was clenched into a bone-breaking fist. I was only a centimeter away from cracking her in the face.

I only remember, "Kristine… it's time you get what I owe you."

I came back into conciseness before physical contact.. Everyone was watching, but… I ran out of the dark classroom. I was paced at top speed, my tears stung my eyes. The hallways flew past, in a giant gray blur. The girls' bathroom door slammed open. I hid in a stall. After how long, my mom's friend Mrs. Fabina came in. She heard my shaky breathing and cries. Mrs. Fabina comforted me, talking from outside the stall and came back within ten minutes. She went to talk to the substitute in the classroom. She also talked to Kristine to gather her side of the story. Mrs. Fabina told me that Kristine had said she was innocent and did not do a single thing to provoke me.

I hid in the girls' bathroom until the final school bell rang. I waited about another five minutes or so, until everyone had left. I came out. I waked through the empty halls, hearing the rumors and lies that would be circling me for weeks to come. I walked into my homeroom and gathered my books. I walked to my locker and turned the combination. Two turns to the left, 44. One full turn to the right, 2, turn to the left, ended on 22. I gathered all my needed books for homework, put on my orange winter Columbia coat and slipped on my pack.

I was stopped at the exit door by a couple of teachers, asking if I was all right. Out of nowhere, Amanda showed up and asked, "What's wrong Cam?" She meant it as a sarcastic victory not as a question of concern for a friend. I ran out into the cool March air. I didn't look back. I ran to my grandma's car waiting for me, opened the door, swung my pack off and jumped in. I slammed the door shut and buckled my belt. My grandmother knew Kristine had won. My sister, Mary was sick that day, thank goodness. So she didn't see what had happened. I was permitted me to stay home. Thankfully it was a Friday, so I was given Friday and the weekend off. The weekend passed, then came Monday.

I followed my routine, walked into the school halls and swapped books. I heard every word, every little gasp that my fellow students whispered under their breaths. I entered my homeroom, sat down and waited for the consequences to follow. I stood by what I had done and accepted everything I had to deal with. To this day, I have no regrets about my actions. Kristine had gotten off easy as always. I did not get any detention, suspension or a ticket of disturbing the peace. I told my sister bits and pieces of what happened, she hugged me and I could hardly breathe. She was ecstatic; it appeared she was crying. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight.

I told her, "Everything is all right Mary, and there is no more need for your crying." Mari tried to tell me, "There is to a need for my crying. You don't have to go through the nightmare called Kristine anymore. She's afraid of you. Now both of us are safe.

Thank you, Cam, for everything."

After all the bull, I finally decided to face my classmates' annoying questions and comments. I walked through the empty, dark, uninviting halls. It felt so cold walking through them. I became a celebrity of my own grade. The fame I despised was built off of lies, anger and misplaced fear. I saw the butt-holes, just as I had thought, they changed their name to Kak Bak. I was cut out, completely. My best friend Kelly had become a full priss and I didn't care at all. As for my crush, he didn't even look at me, he was afraid now. I understood and knew that I could never be with him. I found the monster who laid deep within the black recesses of my heart, I decided for the sake of all, to become a shadow.

Throughout the remainder of my final year, I was concealed within the shadowed halls. No one saw me, and no one heard from me. I read through all my books at least twice during recess, and I stayed in the library helping the computer technician. The younger students still thought I was their celebrity and I put on a graceful, warming and happy act for them, so none would know. I worked harder everyday gaining more and more knowledge. In return; I gave up being myself, I gave up reading my books for enjoyment, I gave up music, writing and even art. I became a complete social outcast, a pathetic shadow.

As for Mary, she did not receive any threats or attacks. She began to stand tall; all of her own free will. She told me on graduation day, "Cam, you want to know something? It wasn't the fact that Kristine's empire fell; it was you. It was my big sister who restored my freedom and my strong will. Cam, you are my guardian angel and above all else, you deserve more than anything to go to that school. Just promise me one thing…"

"What?" I replied.

"Don't let anyone change who you are. I want my guardian angel, even though you can be a bit of a goof ball."

We both busted up laughing after that. I knew everyone would be safer if I hid the good, the monster, and my true self. So now that I have graduated from middle school and now a student at a wonderous high school; I hope to begin a new, so that nothing of that magnitude will ever happen again. I hid myself behind an iron wall. I thought I had to protect everyone from myself that may be true but only to a certain extent. Now I will try to unlock the door, little by little.


End file.
